comings and goings

back in an airport, watching people drag bags down marble floors while simultaneously eating pieces of pizza, looking frantic. seattle is beautiful, a solid place to return to the united states. the cascades and olympics winking at me on the way home from the airport, squeezed tightly with four friends in a two door car.

i've been home a week, and i'm stuck in an interim of feeling not quite at home anywhere. seattle feels comfortable, like slipping into an old pair of jeans. but i keep thinking, in rome, in rome, in rome, in rome the coffee came in the form of cappuccinos and the sky was always blue. in rome, the milk tastes like ice cream and pizza dough doesn't come from a can. in rome, birds flew in murmurations like magic, and the air tasted like licorice and salt.

i came home to a flurry of hugs and hellos, and a surprise party complete with keystone light and balloons. it was perfect, and this week was full of sleeping and old faces looking new. now i am in an airport again, waiting to board a plane to las vegas, where i will gamble $5 and then fly back to nashville. another day, another home. never ending comings and goings, airport arrivals, and attempting to remember and forget at the same time.

apartment 312

it's my last night in my apartment here in rome, and i am sitting with mikaela at the kitchen table. earlier today, we had to clean our apartment so that we could get checked out and get our security deposits back. now, the whole apartment is incredibly clean. but, it feels empty... like we were never here at all.

my last week in rome has been weird, a whirlwind of getting last minute class things done, attempting to do the things i've meant to do the whole time (like visit the colosseum), and spend time with everyone on my program. it's crazy to think that eight weeks ago, i didn't know anyone here, and now, i can't imagine life without them. i've been so excited to leave that i haven't been appreciating what is around me. luckily, we've dedicated a lot of time to each other the last few days. last night we watched a movie, twelve of us on one couch, with a bed pulled up on the floor in front. today we went on a carousel at the christmas market, and had a potluck. but it all comes down to this, counting down the last few hours at the kitchen table.

i still have a few more days in rome before i fly home to seattle, but i can't help but feel like i'm done. and feel incredibly confused at the fact that it's over, or that i'm here at all. where did it all go? what's next? how can i translate the things i've learned here in rome into the "real world" in seattle? sitting in a desk will feel so odd.


"the world is your school."
-fischer


"the road to wisdom?
-well it's plain
and simple to express:
err
and err
and err again
but less
and less
and less."
-hein

it's a lot to think about.